This poem grew out of the end of an abusive marriage to a man most likely a Narcissist, a Borderline Personality, and anti-social. My counselor helped me figure that out. Oh and gaslighting too.
I knew it was the end when he started yelling at me because I said I was disappointed he wasn’t there to talk to the Dr after my procedure like I had asked him to. He was so enraged he started screaming at me in the parking lot and the spittle was flying.
Later in the car, he told me he used to be worse but now he was on medication and I was just going to have to get used to it. My immediate thought was,
“No, I don’t have to get used it.”
I cannot tell you how many layers of shame I feel over this marriage and how I still struggle to this day to have good feelings of self-worth about myself. I let myself be robbed.
The poem, “Momento Mori” is my way of working through the shame, anger, and bitterness I feel about him. The only payback I have is to skewer him with my written words.
I am also ashamed to say I am not ready to forgive him either for the lies and deceptions he used to trap me which is what Narcissists do.
People may ask how can you admit this stuff to the public. If I can help one other woman get out of an abusive relationship with my candor than it is worth it.
It is not easy for me to admit I was a fool.
As I work through this I hope to someday have the same grace and forgiveness Jesus has for me so I too can forgive and move on.
“for now I am a solitary woman no longer riding
his pale broom across my kitchen floor.”
*My Fuck You Marcus Poem